I've finally posted my wedding pictures on Facebook. Was I married almost 11 months ago? Yes. Did I have time to do it before now? Yes. Why didn't I? That requires more of an explanation.
I had a wonderful wedding. The weather was perfect, many people were there to support us (although a few loved ones were missing), and my flowers were beautiful. My parents and grandpa and all my siblings were able to attend, as were Tom's parents, some portion of grandparents, and all but one of his siblings. The most important person was there - my dear sweet husband - and we had so much fun eating and talking and dancing with everyone.
Here's the problem. I hated my pictures. No I didn't hate my photographer. I actually really liked what he did. He is a little unorthodox - he's more like a Nat.Geo photographer but he captured some fun and sweet moments.
I hated my pictures because every time I looked at the pictures all I could think was "my arm looks huge" "why didn't I lose more weight?" "does my forehead look too big?". My poor husband got to be the recipient of all these comments. Of course he disagreed, and didn't really understand why I hated them so much. But I did. I just sat there looking at the pictures analyzing all the ways I wasn't what I wanted to look like.
I put the pictures away and didn't look at them again until a few weeks ago. Luckily this time I had a different realization. I still analyzed myself in a similar way. Unfortunately I think a boost in self esteem will come in time. Husband and I are working on it together. But this time as I looked through the pictures I felt joy. I remembered seeing my nephew covered in chocolate from our crepe bar. I remembered that my little niece kept calling me a princess all day. I remembered that I got to dance with my Dad. I remembered the excitement at having my family all together. And that's why I decided to post the pictures. I'm still not as skinny as the girl in the next wedding album you'll see and I may not be as pretty. But I had a wonderful day with the people I love and I decided to post because it's the people that matter. It's not about what I do or don't look like, but the fact that I'm with the people I want to be with and I'm doing what I want to be doing.